sitting down in the toilet.. kept thinking about things.. tears just flowed down.. no matter how much i wiped them, they keep coming back.. just very disappointed and sad.

yesterday went out with Eugene.. I pon class for him to accompany him to his modelling intereview at ParkMall.. so meet him le.. nothing much.. he hasnt changed.. go inside.. was waiting like FREAKING LONG for him la.. ==" so tempted to just walk out of the building, and go makan first.. grrr! when he come out, he wan go smoke. I went to toilet.. then I NORMALLY GO TOILET VERY SLOW DER MA... this fker dunno what's patience.. call me to hush me.. like I care you wait outside a? man man ten! we go eat kopitiam.. he buy food le then eat straight away.. like hello? cant you wait? then eat fucking fast la.. and hurry me again.. I HATE people tell me to do things faster.. knn.. purposely eat DAMN slow.. make him wait until pekchek.. lolx then we talked about things la.. until I said, i wait for you so long just now, you now wait awhile cannot meh? then he ans, I wait for you to come back from Changchun to play with me you also never play.. ==" is YOU who say dont want to play already cause want to cut off from internet world.. so WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??! then walk to play LAN.. finally can audition le.. yay! walk there... talktalktalk... then he smokesmokesmoke.. he kinda surprise why I let him smoke infront of me.. cause, see the fker so xingku.. just let it be lo.. then reached there.. checked in.. then he just... practically he just doesnt care.. sit down le all he care is about himself.. really an ASSHOLE.. when playing game.. ok la.. he good enough to "pei" me play Audition.. but is cause he cannot play Granado Esprada.. whatever.. when we playing tt time, he keep kacau me.. to make me lose.. fker.. when I play game I'm playing it seriously la.. knn.. irritating leh.. then i purposely beat him make him lose.. then he buaysong me liao.. grrr! like i VERY SONG with you a! going off le.. then he just zao like tt.. he walk damn fast der lo everytime.. cannot wait meh? I got FAT and SHORT legs la.. cant walk the same speed as I am meh? If you're rushing for time, TELL ME.. but he's not! ggrrrr! then he say he's going home to eat dinner.. knn! ccb! tt fker say wan eat dinner then say dont want.. what you take me for? I told mama already I'm not eatting dinner at home le.. then he say he wan accompany me eat.. I dont want.. I dont see a point seeking a fker sitting infront of me while I eat.. I for sure NO APPETITE! then I bring him to the place where me n dear eat the sushi 99cents tt one at Cathay.. then he damn happy.. called his mom an say he's not coming back for dinner le.. he's eating out.. FUCKER... F-U-C-K-E-R!!! ccb lo.. then he order damn alot la.. ==" say wan save money, in the end, dinner BOOM so ex.. ==" I at that point of time ALREADY LOST ALLLLLLLLL my appetite le.. dear seems disappointed when I say qiqi pei wo eat.. then I already sad sad le.. then later on, Eugene keep telling me to eat my sushi and stop msg-ing.. HELLO! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME OFF?! knn. then I eating dear say his mama ask him eat outside.. S0BS0B =( even more I feel damn sad.. cannot pei him.. and have to face this fker.. goin home le.. go toilet again.. he still feel pekchek waiting for me.. ==" smmore push door dont hold for me der.. DAMN UNGENTLEMAN! SINGAPOREAN MEN ARE HOPELESS! grrr! even my guy friends hold the door for me lo.. wtf! I just keep quiet all the way.. I'm DAMN tired, DAMN angry, DAMN irritated, DAMN sad, DAMN DAMN regret going out.. he dont even bother to send me to mrt.. just say goodbye at the traffic light.. at the traffic light he asked me.. so today how? I said, we both changed.. you and me also got changed.. then he said, but I've tried to talk to you le ma.. ERR.. IF I ASK YOU A QN AND YOU DINT ANS AND EXPECT AN ANS FROM ME WHEN YOU ASKED ME.. is tt call a conversation fker? I walked off saying GOODBYE.. and NOT turning back..

in mrt, he msg me.. whatever he wrote.. was as if he's meeting me to make me happy.. and not for the sake of maintaining the friendship that we had.. he said he's happy too.. but I doubt so. I scolded him in our sms.. yeah. but tt is what I really want to tell him.. he did try to make me happy and laugh.. yeah, but I laugh for the sake of not wanting to appear sad.. but my face can tell everything.. I can laugh one moment and smile widely the next second, I'm could be in tears..

I seriously dunno what you want.. I can see by the way you look and your body language towards me, you still like me.. everytime I'm not looking at you, you're looking at me.. why look away when I look at you? at the end of the day, yah I am VERY sad.. cause the old you that I knew.. has gone.. and I regreted going out with you instead of accompanying my bf..

when I reached home, I slpt on the couch.. not wanting to bother about what happened today.. when my dad wake me up, he scolded me about my school attendance because I've received warning letter already..

whatever it is.. I'm not in a good mood.. and we just of a DIFFERENT world..

lol finally could get a "breather" thou it's not really.. haha.. have to rush for this and that.. so bz and TIRING..

today, was chiong whole night for the report submission.. slpt for 5hours.. which is LUXURY compare to the pathetic 2hours of sleep for the past few days.. damn damn tired.. everytime I lie on ANYTHING.. I will fall asleep immediately.. =\ went late for GEMS like 1hour.. lols. I dont bother to get any attendance, this teacher is pretty strict.. if I would have know earlier, I might as well dont come.. lol =X but cannot, need to meet project partners to have SOME discussion..

I managed to SQUEEZE some research for GEMS thou.. but seems like they dont even bother to do anything.. nevermind. I enter the classroom, so many pair of eyes are looking at me.. cause the DSLR CAMERA AND TRIPOD is helping me to make a BIGGG enterance~~ =)

after GEMS, chiong to T19.. asked lecturer whether Jeffrey could come along ma.. lolx. saw mr leon after umpteen times tried to call him HE REFUSE TO ANSWER OUR CALLS!!

" leon, my friend interested to join us for the photo shoot later.. can he join? he's not from SP der la.. outside.."
"mmm.. outside a? friend? or boyfriend? *grins*"
"*Stunned* err.. ya. boyfriend. *smiles* "
"ok la.. shouldnt be a problem la.. "

lolx. sms dear about it and went to one of the labs to CHIONG AAA!! stupid printer got problem again.. making me LATE for the photography shoot.. but, well, no one's early anyway. lolx =X THE STUPID DSLR IS SO DAMN BULKY!! but I needed almost all of the things inside there.. hai.. along with that stupid tripod.. I really hated tripod alot.. no matter how much fun it is to assemble or how much stability it gaves me.. I HATE TRIPOD to the CORE!! urgh! feel like throwing it away..

today's lighting is seriously DAMN BAD.. I hate it so much that I rather not take SHOOTS with it and come back tomorrow.. lighting so bad.. I hate it when you have to "zheng" the settings just to make it nice.. to me, photography is about capturing the best moments.. so dont bother to ask me to "zheng" whatever shyt settings to make the picture look the best..

so damn tired.. we moved from Clarke Quay to Esplanade.. we were walking away from the SINGAPORE ARTS FESTIVAL OPENING at 8pm today! cause I forgotten about it.. wakao.. and there's fireworks at there.. OMG LA......!!!!!! pekchek pekchek! should have just follow dear's suggestion.. ==" grrrr!

damn sian damn sian.. and my camera has specs of DUST on it's mirror INSIDE... ==" cannot clean outside if not, more dust will go in.. damn sian........................ and it doesnt help when DONALD is hogging onto MY camera... super duper sian.. anyway, nvr mind la.. let him use lo since I hate the lighting so much.. lols. the view at esplanade is nice, perfect for making panoramic shoots BUT there's construction mechine there.. DESTROY the whole scene already, but my friends said nvm.. err... really la. it DOES destroy the whole photo.. well, if you dont mind, go ahead. I mind so I dont take. my meat your poison. =)

wanted to go to "poppai".. dunno what tt dunno serve what dunno where. lol. Zoe said it's nice but it's getting late and dear have to go home early.. and I CANNOT pangseh him like tt.. so suggest I go eat with him lo.. next time got chance then go with them bah.. then Zoe look damn sian alreadi.. lol. sort of she knows that I will pangseh her for him. well, what to do? anyway, I very happy that dear willing to come all the way to Esplande to find me.. and just having a dinner and zao home le.. lol. although I might be cold towards him when I'm with my friends, but I told him already not to be so close if not, people will feel uncomfortable..

we went to eat this new Japanese restaurent.. lolx. they have student meal WHOLE DAY! looking at their menu price, I tink I'll eat student meal better, more worth it. lol. dont even bother to order a drink cause it's really damn ex. =="

go home le.. like hughug dear.. but on mrt neh eek! love to sniff his scent from his clothes.. lol. although some people will say it's YUCKY to love the "smelly" smell.. but hey! all of us are attracted to one another through scent emit from each own body.. dont you know? lol..

was so tired.. now even when I'm typing, I'm gonna fall asleep soon. my home electric bill has gone up DOUBLE the amount.. and mama is SUPER unhappy about it.. guess tml gonna b a tough day! aaah!

wasnt what I've expected. too long. but great. $60.

TIRED AAAA TIREDDDDD...


=="

damn damn tired..!!

argh!

I'm getting "high" on this kinda feeling but couldnt help keep falling asleep once I sit down or lie down.. argh! still got so many things to settle.. ~~!!

this morning lesson I keep sleeping in class.. practical. HAD NO CLUE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ABOUT.. ==" hoping my assignment I wasnt talking crap through my report la.. if not, DIE! =="

my hair color sucks.. big time. the red strips on top became BROWN!! and it flow to the whole head! argh! I DONT want to have BROWN color in my head!! get it off me!!! my other red strips are still red as usual.. such an ugly combination.. but cannot go to salon nah.. mama dun let me dye blue again.. was asking her permission to bleach and highlight blue.. cool man~~ lol.

was searching high and low for blue color hair wax.. the one I bought from changchun, hello kitty color hair wax wasnt strong enough.. you can only see it underneath the light.. after awhile, it became like, bleanded in with your hair color.. wasnt that nice at all.. =\ waste my money. so ex le..

I want to buy so many things!! but super sort of cash.. ==" needed to work.. but have not find one suitable job that I want..

sian~~~

problems = drinking, self-inflict-torture, sleep only when became unbearablely tired, retail-theraphy, indulgence in many activities to keep one busy, cry.

so... since I cant own more than 3pair of shoes ( that's what mom said ) I was looking for the best heels in town to splurge in.. was looking at NineWest since most magazines would suggest to go for it.. BUT it's cater more towards the matured womens instead of teeny-women like me.. so, was looking around until that day when I stepped into ALDO.. woosh! I LOVE ALDO! although I have yet to buy any of them yet, I love the concept and their shoes~ woosh~ carries the TYPE that I've been looking for AGES! omgomgomg! so excited! I'm gonna save REAL hard to earn this stupid freaking $100++ shoes! ^^ gogo Karen! been scrimping ALOT these days, for ONE nice walkable high heels, though fengshui master advise me agaist trottering around in heels cause I'm prone to twisting my ankle very often.. ( dunnid to say, even a simple ICE SKATING has twisted my ankle, dont even mention heels ) argh! howhowhow?

just visited ALDO's website and saw their SO PRETTY shoes! here's my choice. mostly platforms cause I need it to balance up my FAT figure.. and what I love is that their material is made of LEATHER! kinda "comfortable" to wear on I guess.. hmm, one day I'm gonna get my feet into one of these~ even if it's out of seasons I WILL HUNT IT DOWN!

KillingWorth - $USD100

seriously killing me. such awesome shoe! one's classy another one's rocker chic!

Santurce - $USD80

sexy kitty tied up in ribbon~ woots!

Firilie - $USD100

sweets! perfect for attending almost everything! VERSITILE I like!

Lorenskog - $USD90

another sweets! but look rather usual..

Fanoa - $USD100

sexy~ love peeptoes! love (small) platforms!

Paramaribo - $USD100

I always wanted a nude color shoe yet not so invisible.. so, camel color's perfect! love the T bar!

Brufut - $USD100

I like the silverish finish plus, it's platform and slingbacks!

BrownsWega - $USD110

look rather plain. but who cares! ankle strap, Tbar, open toe, platform! what more can you ask!

Antiguo - $USD300

wooow! so ex! too glam for my style, but it's up here cause it ROCKS!

Bende - $USD100

meshymeshy~ always been looking for this!

Felornda - $USD90

nice straps! like this gladiator feel, but I have thick ankle cant really pull this baby off least I want to look like a piglet trottering around.. =(

Coquitlam - $USD60

damn nice this flat. glam + comfort + beachy. takes you everywhere!

Fariya - $USD90

woohoo~ finally the gladiator SHOE! nice straps! the same reason why it's up here.. it's the IN shoe, the lastest fashion though it's been around for ages just that no one dares to wear it out. I cant pull this off! wasted. =\

all shoes images are COPYRIGHTED by ALDO!

*shaking the piggy bank*

=(

today FINALLY meet up with jeffrey to have dinner..

the rest of the story, refer to our blog.

been very very tired.. some days I only had 2hours of sleep while some lucky days I'll have 6hours of sleep.. on weekends, if nobody's asking me out, I'll be able to slp 13hours straight.. LOL! I'm super super deprive of sleep, yet there's so many things to do..

want to find a job.. so at least I can pay off certain stuff on my own.. dunnid rely on my parents.. but thinking, hoping that the job is really flexible.. so I can arrange the timing for me to work..

tml I'm going for an interview.. WISH ME ALL THE BEST! ^^

changed a new phone.. Sony Ericson Z770i. lols.. was wondering should I go and do a gmask for it since I like the phone pretty much and I'm gonna use it for like 2years? yah.. so should I or should I not.. still thinking.. =="!

lately, people around me been telling me that I'm fat and I should slim down.. fine fine.. going on a diet plan now.. works for me.. lost 4kg for the past 4 weeks.. ^^ planning to exercise more, get my old muscles going, but I ''twisted" my ankle while ice-skating and it hurts till now.. ==" plus, my knees caps are giving me problems.. how to jog like tt.. I did brisk walking instead.. still pain..

planning to buy really padded knee support so that I can jog.. planning to buy ankle support too.. lols.. I want to learn Ice-Skating! I'm more interested in learning how to move and stop.. lols..

I hate to talk to Jeffrey on msn. whatever we chatted he will forget. seriously, I doubt he really put me in ANY FUCKING position in his mind or heart.. hai.. toy toy..

there is so many things that I want to say, but I cant.. the only person I can confess to is baba.. but he's not in singapore.. haix.. lols.. I still rmb tt time I say, I very sian and asked baba to fly over to ChangChun and pei wo for that few weeks.. lols! he said, " I have only enough money to make one trip.. if I fly over, I'll have to stay there.. then you gonna leave me here after that? " lols.. but he dint came of course, he's busy with his game, as always, and always going out.. until that day, when we dance and club whole night and dint even have the time to tell him that I went out the whole 2days.. he got worried that he bought an Overseas prepaid calling card to call me.. lols.. when he wanted to call me that time, my China handphone has no more credit value. LOL! then now he want to call me, my phone bill for sure will explode.. lolx.. wait till I grab hold of papa's phone then say bah. LOL!

wasnt up to my standard. $27.

dint really have lunch today.. head giddy.. was hungry from 9am.. then until 4pm, I finally HAVE to eat something, tio gastric again.. argh! cant even walk right.. have to slouch abit even then still pain.. hate it everytime when I have gastric.. so mafan. ==" ended up, I binge on.. and fell asleep on the couch until 9pm then I woke up, HAVE to eat dinner.. and I feel like puking now.. thinking my tummy aint digesting properly.. =="

yay! tml I get to eat BANANAS!! yummy~ ^^ everytime eat banana / papaya for sure go toilet wan.. lols.. but BANANAS are yummy~! I can make it my breakfast, lunch and dinner if I could.. lolx!

told baba abt my secret.. I'm glad that he dint see me in a differ light, instead he advice me.. lol usually when I tell people abt it, they will shun or avoid talking to me.. I dunno what will happen in the future but baba made me to promise him something.. I dunno whether I could keep that promise or not, I dint agree..

my parents now know that I have a god-brother.. which was since last 3years ago.. lolx.. yeah. till now we still haven meet each other.. he was hoping to see me attend his 21st bday party, but my parents wont allow.. they say it's not that the party or the timing, is what if something happen, where and who should they find.. yah. I understand, I'm trying to talk terms with my parents so they will understand from MY point of view.. so I sat down in their room and start talking.. I made it clear to them that I want to ask permission cause I respect them.. I can easily said it was for project work and zao to his party.. but I dint. I hate it that everytime I had to lie to them to go out.. there's nothing wrong with my friends and there's nothing wrong for me to meet up with my outside friends..

my dad actually asked me in a confronted manner, which I'm scared of but I managed to talk nicely with him.. eventually, he said it will be best if you could stop all this and concerntrate on your studies since it's your final year.. I agree, that's y I'm trying my best not to slack now but it's hard. =X lolx.. so I'm guessing they know abt me n Jeffrey already.. papa said, that I'm the most sociable among my sisters.. and asked me what's my plan for my future.. then mama said that I should go University and get a degree then get a job.. but I told them that I wanted to come out to work first, make some money, pay off my own tution loan fee ( which I know it's not cheap ), take my time to decide which degree that I really want to do because I dont want to regret next time doing something I dont like.. eventually I did consider of getting a degree.. not that I dont want, is I MUST find a passion and doing it.. forcing myself to study like this 3years of poly is making me go crazy and I'm really not happy doing it.. I find that no point doing something I dont like and not happy, in the end, I wont gain anything but a paper.

we ended the conversation with some random stuff.. papa mama wanted to express so many of their thoughts to me regarding us, their children.. and I have to defend for my sisters.. I dint got angry or pekchek, infact I'm very happy that they willing to tell me what's on their mind.. so at least we could work somethings out..

part of the reason why I dont want to go into University now is because my sister is enrolling into University at the same time as I could.. and I know that school fees aint that cheap when it comes to tertiary education since we're not singaporeans.. so I rather back off, let my sister study.. like that when I'm earning the money, I could help papa to ease some burden off too.. not much, but at least something..

mama papa said I've changed. yeah. I do agree that I've changed. I become more.. emo than my usual emo self last time.. I enjoy experiencing pain, which people find me pervertic.. who would like to press their own blueblack? I do. lol.

yesterday, wednesday, 7th may..

having only 2hours of sleep the day before, it's so hard to wake up and rush for my 8am lesson in class.. as usual, late AGAIN. =\ my head is spinning that I feel like puking anytime.. guess I really deprive of sleep this time.. after school, went to meet Cheryl, Ginny, Joanne and bunch of MM guys for lunch, as usual wednesday lunch is with them.. lols.. some how I felt abit extra.. across our table, I saw Luke with his ''gf'' I suppose, we dint great but acknowledge each other, the table beside us is my Yuan Ching juniors.. lols.. small world I guess.

I was msging my friend, Johnson and Eric was asking am I msging my bf.. lols.. he dont believe me when I told him that I'm msging my guy friend and I'm meeting another guy friend.. lols ==" well, was damn hungry but decided not to eat since I'm meeting JiaHui, my senior + friend + ex-swensens collegue + ex-crush for lunch.. lols. so, was like.. trying to resist the temptation of my friend's lunch beside and infront of me.. aaa~ crazy.. was so damn tired, nearly fell asleep while seating again.. chatchat awhile more, JiaHui came.. lols.. was asking him to call me when he reaching SP so I can go out n find him, instead he walked all the way in to FC4 to find me.. lols..

he came to our table, which left 7 guys and me cause the rest left for GEMS class already, and he kinda dunno what to do.. lols.. so I take my leave and went to another table with him.. lols.. I thought there would be silence and awkward moments but haha.. we were laughing and talking abt things that happens in the past.. he showed me his new iTouch.. yadayada.. it makes me even more want to get my hands on the new iPhone.. he said there's new generation of iPhone is coming.. hopefully, I can resist the temptation of getting one! aaaahh!!

yeah, so he WIFI with his NEW iTouch and checked the cinema and movies.. lols.. he wanted to watch DOOMSDAY but I watched it alreadi and I wanted to watch Ironman but he watched it alreadi =\ sian.. then he INSISTED to watch SpeedRider? smthing like tt la.. but it's not in the box office yet.. so he suggested to what WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS.. since I'm meeting my senior in ToaPayoh at 6pm.. we went to AMK to watch instead.. ahhh~! after so long! finally can watch at AMK cathay.. lols.. I like it there cause it's BIGGGG yeah.. we queing tt time.. lols he took his iTouch and ''booked'' the nice seats so others cant get it.. and then when it's our turn to buy the ticket, he release it.. LOL! kiasu. then he abit pekchek cause I nvr tell him I dont want anything from the kiosk.. huh? I was like.. huh? he nvr ask how I know I AM suppose to tell him wor.. then he ask I want or not, then I asked him back la.. if he want, then we share, dont want then dont want la.. ==" weird la u.. =="

we went in and THE CINEMA IS FREAKING COLD LA! @.@" he kip complaint than I took so long to reply a msg.. ==" ( I'm still talking to my guy friend, Johnson ).. grrr the show was okay la... good if you're watching with your couple.. not very nice in my opinion, and he laugh so loud at the jokes.. @.@""! got once, we all know that the Male lead actor is going to pee in the kitchen sink, before they even show the scene, HE BURST INTO LAUGHTER! omg! the whole cinema is quiet awaiting for the scene to come and he just went, BUAHAHAHAHAAHA!! =="

cause I cant sit too long in the cinema couch, else I'll get tired.. so I frequently sat front instead of leaning behind.. then he would ask me y arent I'm leaning.. lol ==" duh~ If I'm tired u tink I want to lean smmore? anyway, we went walking around.. hahas.. he asked me y arent I'm seeing anything.. ==" cause I have no money, and I dont want u to see me when I'm shopping and I might bored u to death if I do so.. lolx =X so we just drag our lazy feets around the mall then his agent from RecuritExpress kept calling him reg his job, it's a good thing but he finds it irritating.. and I find it irritating when you KEEP asking me whether shld u take up the job.. ==" since u asked, I gave my opinion, make your decision and shutup. quit asking and saying the same thing over n over again, you're behaving like a GIRL! argh!

he made me so ''frustrated'' that I lead both of us to take the wrong train, took the train back to JURONG EAST! u know what it means if I'm hinting, I WANNA GO HOME~~! but obviously I cant, have to go toapayoh to meet my senior.. yeah.. yada yada.. we reached and waited for her.. meet her, wow. changed damn alot.. and yah.. so she intro me the job. woah. the moment I step into the office.. I was like, oh no.. I'm gonna quit this job like NOW.. lols.. so, I'm just staying on to ''humour" her.. it was boring =X and I can sense JH is bored and restless.. LOL! so m I. ==" trying to hard to keep my eyes open for her.. yeah. then we quickily zao and went to eat.. toapayoh mall have like.. nothing? first time being there but, nth impress me.. lols. so we went to IMM to eat dinner.. lols..

papa called me, and he sounds SUPER ULTRA UNHAPPY with me.. kept asking me is a guy or a girl.. ahh~! make me so embaress that I have to lie to my dad infront of the whole mrt crowd.. argh! we walked there lols.. it's like dark, few people ard.. and was like the romantic place to be with your bf.. haha.. then there was this uncle, me n JH was walking at the edge of both sides so he could walk straight in between us, ( the side walk have mud ) then he purposely walked to the mud side and zoom pass us.. I was like.. diao? make so nice for u u go walk there.. ==" lols.. then there was this path to IMM where there's no light at all.. he was like asking whether I'm scared anot.. lol.. I have SLIGHT night blindness but I AM scared of falling into the drain cause I cant really see where is it.. so I have to rely on the people infront of me and gauge..

we went to eat this HongKong blabla.. infront of Daiso, he say it's nice, but I find it so-so only la.. was actually rushing for time.. so chopchop eat, chopchop drink then zao. lols. I confess to him saying that I used to like him before I have Jeffrey and told him everything else la.. lols.. then he was surprised that I confess.. LOL.. he said he was shocked and honored that someone actually did like him.. haha I was complaining abt what he did during our first date.. lols.. he deny it.. ==" he said he suspect I like him, but put off the idea.. then he kept pestering me to tell him y I like him.. ==" irritating! he's a mama's boy.. lols.. I hope he dint feel offended when I say that straight into his face.. =X was feeling kinda relax after telling him all these, somehow a burden just lifted off my shoulder.. I'm taking my chances cause I'm too dead tired to think of the consequences.. I dont know whether he will avoid me or not, but I wont forget the friendship that we had..

we seriously chated alot.. lols.. he did ask quite a fair bit of qns abt my bf.. anyway, I told him that my parents wanted to chase us out of the hse by the time we were 20.. then usually, my friends will say, aiyah.. they saysay only, wont chase u out der.. or, so u gonna rent a room outside? how u gonna pay? lols.. but he said, I wont mind if u crash into my hse la.. then I was like, shocked to hear his ans.. I just smile and said, nah.. and changed topic..

wanted to sit bus back home, then NO MORE BUS LE~~ aaaarrggghhhhh~! have to walk all the way back, then when we crossing the road. me as usual JUST cross.. LOL.. and he damn pekchek with the way I cross the roads.. he wanted to like, u know hold me to WAIT for the car instead of chiong infront before the car.. ==" we're at the zebra crossing what.. so, JUST walk la.. =\ whenever I mention abt the past, he rmbs every one of them.. tot usually guys will forget abt it.. so tempted to play xbox with him again, but no time la..

he wanted to send me home, but I reject, talk in the train until.. in the end, we alight at boonlay. lols.. yah, I went back myself and he took the train back..

back home.. I was so dead tired.. login msn also abit no meaning ler since Jeffrey is not in.. having Viper baba nagging me the whole night.. I still slp at 3am.. dunno what has gone into me..

** this content is solely written for my memories WITHOUT the consideration of other people's feeling. if any *ouch* is felt, I sincerely apologise to you. **

yesterday was a greenday in fengshui calender, no wonder things dint turn out well..

anyway, ytd was hurtful..

back at home,
I chatted with Johnson.. lols.. still want to do the same thing to me.. lols.. I trusted him, so I dont think he will do anything to me..

chatted with baba.. he starts to behave like Jeffrey.. and I start to drift away from him..

sometimes, I have no one to turn to.. other times, I dunno who I can turn to..

I have no self confidence at all.. where have all my confidence gone to?

the old Karen maumau was already dead.. maumau is a flirt.. really a bitch.. sometimes, I hope she dint do what she did.. but who m I to stop her? I wont stop her, I'll kill her.

1) Single, Taken, Naked, or Flirty?
♥ ''single'' & ''taken'' take your pick.

2) Are you happy with that?
♥ sort of. but I prefer not to stay in between.

3) Would you still kiss your ex?
♥ if he's not a jerk or a bastard that I left him for, I might reconsider.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
♥ I broken many hearts, karma has return. haix

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay?
♥ I used to say, yes.. now I will say, no. If I like another guy, I'll tell u.. and I hope you will do the same in return..

7) Have you ever talked about marriage with another person?
♥ yeah. with my besties, bf, my guy friend.. lols

8) Do you want children?
♥ If I could have a say, I would say no. I'm not ready.

9) How Many?
♥ ... I'm not a pig.

10) Would you consider abortion?
♥ if the guy doesnt mind the HUGE hole, I might consider it. but I will be emotionally depressed.

11) If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
♥ yah. I like a guy who have the courage to tell me straight in the face rather than being shy.

12) Do you want someone you can't have?
♥ yeah.. I dunno whether I had that someone or not.

13) Have you fallen in love?
♥ yeah. and I felt idiotic now. but it was really wonderful.

14) Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
♥ yeah. it makes you remember that I have someone by my side all this while.

15) Do you believe that you can change for someone?
♥ I'm already changed for someone.. and I've changed cause of someone.

16) Is it a good day today?
♥ yes and no. it's a green day in the fengshui calender.

17) Have you ever broken a heart before?
♥ yeah. and I want to apologise to them. and I'm very sorry to eddie, but he refuse to give me a chance to say sorry.

18) Does your ex still have feelings for you?
♥ I hope not, cause I've moved on and I hope he has too..

19) Do you still have feelings for them?
♥ he composes songs and sings them.. nope, I wont go back to him.. he's my ''brother'' now.

20)You wish to have a bf/gf for now?
♥ I dont know I have one or not now.. but it's good to have someone to lean on.

21)What now you wish for?
♥ complete my diploma, get a part-time job, rent a room and mend my broken heart.

22)If you have bf/gf now.. Do you really love thm?
♥ when I get into a relationship, I'm serious about them.. and dont say that my past r/s is for the sake of getting into one, it's not.

Love Survey:
You must answer every question TRUTHFULLY!!

[01] Are you currently in a relationship?
- I dunno am I considered ''IN'' a relationship or not.

[02] Have you ever been given a rose..
- yeah.

[03] What is your all-time favorite romance movie?
- I dont know..

[04 ] There's no number 4 question..
- =="

[05] Do you believe that everyone has a soul mate ?
- yeah. each of us have one, whether we're lucky to meet him/her is up to our destiny.

[06] What's your current problem?
- too many to name it already. relationship, family, money, education, friends, perception.

[07] Have you ever had your heart broken?
- I broken too many hearts, karma is back.

[08] Your thoughts of online or long distance relationships?
- I believe in online relationship, so is long distance relationship.. girls, learn this, nvr put your heart too much into a relationship, you'll be the one who will get hurt in the end.

[09] Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?
- yes.. but I try hard not to cross the bounderies..

[10] The person your with right now, do you want to spend your life with?
- yes. but, it's difficult to be with him..

[11] How many kids do you want to have?
- lols.. can I say none? I'm not ready for kids yet but I wanna give birth earlier.. hahas

[12] What is/are & your favorite colors?
- Black Black Black, Red, Gold.

[13] Who are your celebrity crush?
- Y celebrity? I want to choose army guys. =D

[14] Do you believe you truly only love once??
- nope. love can happen anywhere.. even when u least expected.

[15] Imagine you're 79 & your spouse just died, would you get re-married?
- If I found a wonderful sex partner who understands me and accepts me as who I am, I would. =)

[16] At what age did you start noticing the opposite sex?
- hmm, kindergarten? I had a best guy friend and I really like to see him..

[17] What song do u want to be played at your wedding?
- hahas.. wedding, I'm not going to think that far, no point..

[18 ] Do you like anyone?
- hell yeah.